dean's Guestbook

"Of course not. You four boys will always be my babies," she told Dean with a smile. "And I will always look at you that way," she told him. "You'll know that feeling when you have children of your own," she told him as she softly touched Dean's face in a motherly way. "Besides, I'm not ashamed that I love my four boys so much that I imagine them as little boys again," she said with a chuckle to her voice. Then she moved on to the subject of her youngest son Jamie and how he grew up compared to how he is now.

Lynda gave one of her famous "don't go there" looks to Dean. Then she began to speak to him about other things, starting with Jamie. "Well at least he's trying to be a good boy," she told Dean. "Even though he's growing up to be like his father and his two older brother trying to corrupt him, he's still coming out to be a good kid," she said with a smile as she moved onto the next subject.

"I know all of that now son," she said with a huge grin as she still had her hand on his cheek softly. Then Lynda moved her hand and looked away for a few minutes before looking back at her son, still having that same smile on her face and then went on speaking. "It's just when you have a lot on your mind and have a lot on your plate," she explained to Dean. "Sometimes you just forget that you have all the support and love right there in front of you," she told him. "Oh, it's not like you mean to do it or that you are trying to push anybody away," she added. "It's just something that happens to people," she hoped that she explained to her son good enough.

"Well, your grandmother taught me everything she knows, even while working to support me, Uncle Mark and Aunt Victoria," she added with a smile. "But of course, I do put my own spin on somethings, and you boys never knew the difference," she said chuckling as she moved onto what Dean said about dinner. "Now you know I'm not getting in the middle of you four argue over the biggest piece of pie," she told him still chuckling. "But I will warn you, if you four get too out of control, then I will just have to put the pie up and save it for your father and I," she told him with a smile as she continued.

"Thank you, son," she said with a smile on her face. "I'm proud of you too," she added. "In fact, I'm proud of you and your brothers for growing up so strong and with good morels about family and a strong work ethic," she told him with a huge smile on her face. "And even though Jamie is acting like House at the moment," she told Dean. "I know that he'll be just fine," she told him. "And now, if you don't mind," she finally said with a smile. "I think I'm going to take a nap before you, Sam and I get started on dinner," she told him.

"That's because Jamie has been watching and repeating everything his father does sometimes," she said with a chuckle. "But all in all he's a good kid and I wouldn't trade any of you boys for anything in the world," she said as she was starting to sould like the old Lynda, but still had some rough and sad tones in her voice. Then she got serious again as she continued to speak. 

"You're welcome son," she said. "Now that I don't feel so alone and my enitre world isn't spinning out of control," she said. "I realize now that all four of you boys are old enough to know everything and help if needed," she said. "But you know Dean, I still look at each one of you boys as my little babies," she told him. "And that's never going to change," she told him as she leaned over and softly and motherly kissed his cheeks. 

"And of course I did," she said with a smile on her face. "I like to make sure my babies have everything they need to survive life," she said with a giggle. "Even if it means making books on how to survive, then I will," she said with a chuckle as she closed her eyes as Dean kissed her on the forehead. "And good," she told him as she opened her eyes and looked at her son. "Food is just like a person, it needs love and respect," she said. "You're grandmother taught me that," she added. 

"Oh and speaking of food, tonight for dinner, we are have roast, my famous mash potatos and gravey some corn on the cob and finish up the meal with a nice hot apple pie," she said. "Does that sound good to you?" she asked him smiling brighter than every before. 

Lynda smiled as she listened to everything Dean was telling her. She did raise her boys into loving and mature men, though Jamie was still coming into his own. As she continued to listen to her son, Lynda had to blink a few times as she listened. Finally it was her turn to speak and she had a huge smile on her face as she did so. 

"Don't forget your little brother Jamie," she told Dean as she looked at her newly wrapped hands. Then she put them down on her lap and looked into her son's eyes as she continued her thoughts. "And I promise from now on, whenever something happens, I will make sure to keep you boys informed and up to date," she told him as she softly touched Dean's face. Then she went on to talk about the reciepies she had been keeping for her boys. 

"You don't have to do that," she told Dean. "I made copies and turned them into books for each of you boys," she told him. "They are in mine and your father's bedroom. I'll get them later, but always remember one thing," she told Dean. "Whenever you cook one of those receipies, make sure you cook from the heart and with love," she told him. "Those two things are really what makes the food tastes good," she added with smile. 

Lynda listened to everything that Dean said as he was gently wrapping up her hands. Finally, she let out sigh as she began to reply to everything Dean had just told her, especially when he mentioned getting the recipe for her famous apple pie that melted in your mouth. "I know sweetie," she told Dean honestly. "But sometimes I still think of all you boys as my little babies," she told him. "But I have keep telling myself that you boys are old enough to handle to the truth," she said.

"And I'm sorry I scared you son, I didn't mean too," she said with a soft and warm smile. "And I promise you that from now on, I will be more open with you boys and try not to hold everything in,"  she said softly. "So do you forgive your mom for being a jackass?" she asked as she gave Dean her warmest smile before she moved onto her receipes. 

"Don't worry, you'll get all my secrets when we start cooking together," she told him. "And feel free to write any of them down and not just the pie receipe," she added. "Though for you," Lynda said with a huge smile. "Mama's famous apple pie isn't the only pie receipe that I have hidden away," she added. "I also have a peacch cobbler that not only melt in your mouth, but makes you feel all warm and cozy inside," she told Dean with a smile on her face. 

"Okay son," she said softly as she sat there with her hands in a bowl of ice and trying to collect herself.  Lynda let out a sigh as she went on speaking to her son.  "Dean, honey, there's a lot about me that you boys still don't know," she said as she swallowed hard. "This was just one of them, though I reallyl had no intention of actually burning myself," she told him as she let out another sigh. "That was the point of tonights dinner. I was planning on tell you, Sam, Angel and Jamie about my childhood and everything that I have been keeping from you," she added. 

"As for my symptoms getting worse, they were just fine until a few weeks ago," she told Dean honestly as she kept her hands in the ice, which she knew was not only cooling down her hands and stopping them from blistering, but the ice felt really good against her skin. "I went to take my meds before I went to work and I noticed that they were gone. At first I thought I left them in my desk at the hospital, which sometimes I do and just take them at work," she explained to Dean. 

"But they weren't there," Lynda said as she continued with her story. "I tried to hide it as best I could and I was doing just fine until the stress lately has been getting worse and worse," she told her son. "And then being told that all you are is out for money and power and that you're not welcome and that everyone would be better off without you," Lynda told her son, still staying calm. "It all just became too much and I snapped," she told Dean. 

"I never wanted you boys to see me like this, but I am kind of glad you did," she said now feeling more like herself. "It gives you boys an idea of how bad I can really get," she added as she finished up her thoughts. Then as she listened to Dean talk about calling Mark and getting a new refill and wraping her hands. A soft and  huge smile came over her face as Lynda knew she was saft. 

"That I can do son," she said with a smile. She wanted to reach out to Dean, but thought better of it, considering that her hands still hurt from the scolding hot water. "And we can also talk while you help me fix dinner too," she told Dean with a smile."And I'll give you my special secret on making a great apple pie," she added with a wink.