joe's Guestbook

Lynda smiled as she softly touched Joe's face. "Thank you, but they way I look at it is like this," she told him. "If I didn't go throught all the bad things in life, I wouldn't be where I am today," she told to Joe. "And I know that someday, you'll do great things too," she added. "And you'll look back and be thankful for those things," she added with a smile. 

When she heard Joe talking about going into rooms that they both didn't want, she smiled her best smile, but knew deep in her mind that she was going to have to go back to that room, at least for a little while. "Joe, you are much stronger than you know," she told him. "You just got to believe in yourself," she added. "And yes, I might be strong, but I also know when to ask for help," she told him. "And that's a huge step in starting your road to recovery," she said. 

Then Joe and Lynda both stood up to get ready to go help put Joe's room in order. "Joe, you don't have to worry about this old hair of mine," she said. "But I understand you wanting to wait, " she added as they were heading up the stairs happily. Then Lynda stopped and turned to look at Joe.

"Sweetie, I just want you to know something," she told him. "I might have to go back to one of those rooms that you and I don't like," she told him. "And if I do, I want you know that as long I live, I won't ever give up on you," she told him. "You understand?" he asked. 

"I know, but maybe if I spent more time with you," Andrew said. "Or at least sat down with more often, I would have known what was going on," Andrew said thinking about how his conversationd with Jennie went and all the regret he felt. He could feel his axiety start to rise within him, but quickly shook it off as he snapped back into reality and continued on with his replies to Little Joe. 

"Joe, you are not a burden to anyone in this house. We all love you and want nothing but the best for you. We want all the happiness in the world for you," he told him. "And we don't think you are broken in anyway," he added with a smile. "We just want you to know that we love you and are your support system for whatever you need, even if you need just to cry on a shoulder," Andy told Joe as he gave his brother a little squeeze to reassure him.

"We sure do little brother," he said with a soft smile. "And some people just have it a little worse than others," he added. "But for as long as Lynda has been in this family, I have never seen her fall apart like she's doing now," he said honestly. "In fact, I remember there for a while, when you and Jennie were in elementry school, you two thought she was wonder woman, because she held everything together and did it with not only a smile on her face but without smuging her make up too," he said laughing. "In fact you two would go to school and tell everyone that your new mommy was a superhero," he added now chuckling. 

"And noboby believed you two until your guys elementry halloween party when Lynda actually showed up as Wonder Woman," he added. "You two became the most popular kids in all of Virginia City Elementry School," Andrew finished up as he slowly let himself drift off into lost memories for a few seconds before once more snapping back into reality as he heard Joe talk about him not cancelling his trip. 

"I know they are," Andrew said. "But Michaela really likes you Joe, despite the little halloween incident you and Jennie pulled on her," he said. "And believe it or not, she likes Jennie too, so she will understand. And then kids, well the boys will understand and Peggy, I think she hates me too much to even care, so there really isn't a probelm with me pushing the trip back a few days or so," he said with a smile. 

"Good, let's go get our horses ready and get to riding," Andrew said as he removed his arm around from Joe and then moved to the edge of the couch. He couldn't help but chuckle when Joe insisted on him picking the place for lunch, "I wouldn't have it any other way Little Joe," he said still chuckling. Then Andy's face softened as he leaned over and kissed Joe on the side of the head. "You're welcome Little Joe," he said happily. 

 

"Trying to keep from going and washing my hands," she said. "Usually if I wring my hands and count to ten several times, the urge to clean everything and me goes away," she told him. "But because my medication went missing, I haven't had my medicine in a few weeks and the urges are coming more frequent and stronger," she told him before telling him all about her sever OCD. 

When she told him the whole story about how she became the way she did, she could see he really was paying attention. "Of course I was, " she told him then paused as she decided if she wanted to go on. "In fact, the person who had me committed, was my very first husband, and honestly, your father, nor John or Bobby or even Greg knows that," she said. Then she got serious for a minute. "Joe, was you locked away in what they call a safe room?" she asked him, now understanding a little more about Joe. 

"Well, it wasn't the best, but at least I had time to think and sleep," she said trying make a little joke but still keeping it serious. "But I have to admit one thing, it did help with the urges, especially since I had a straight jacket on to keep me from hurting myself," she told him. She could see that Joe was starting to get nervous and she gently placed her hands over his to let him know that it was okay and that he was safe as she went on telling him the truth as to why nobody told him about her condition. 

"Joe, honey, I asked Ben not to tell you kids because I didn't want you guys to worry about me. You, Jennie, Adam and Andrew have enough to worry about with what's going on with Hoss than to have to worry about me," she told him honestly. "Even my own boys, Jaime, Angel, Sam and Dean don't know," she said as she ran her hand gently through Joe's hair, with a mother loving touch. "The way I figure, as long as I was taking my meds,  you kids didn't have a thing to worry about," she said with a smile on her face. 

"Shh...Joe, it's alright, I'm not blaming you. I could never blame you or Jennie for anything that I do or have to live with," she said in her own motherly tone. "And yes I think you are worth it and so much more," she said smiling with a twinkle in her eyes. "And yes I want to help you deal with not only what you are going through but I want to help show you meaningful lessons that you can use throughout your life," she told him."That's all I was trying to do with my crazy method," she told Joe. 

Then Lynda thought about it for while and a smile came over her face. "But If you are willing, maybe you and I can sort your things out and put everything back in a nice, neat way," she said. "And if you ever start to feel like messing up your room because the voices are too loud to control," she said softly. "Then you and I could find something else to do, maybe like have a  paint ball fight or maybe go mudding," she said with a smile as she heard the rest of Joe's apology.

"And she for everything you put me through," she said softly. "Well, we won't thinking nothing of it," she said softly with a smile on her face. "And you're not so bad youself Joe," she said with a smile and a giggle. "Now, give me a hug and then we can get started moving your things back into your room. We might, if you would like, give your room a new look with a coat of paint and maybe some new furniture," she added.

As Andrew listened to every feeling that Joe was saying, he couldn't help but think about his own demons. Andrew knew he needed help and just as soon as everything settled down a bit, he would talk to Lynda about getting some help. And although Marie was a psych doctor and could help him and she also being Little Joe and Jennie's mother, he didn't really feel comfortable to talk to her, unless it came right down to it, which he knew it probably would. 

Finally, when Joe was done talking, Andrew put his suitcase down and went over to his little brother. He gave Joe the biggest hug he could and then walked with him over the couch to sit down. As they were sitting on the couch, Andrew began to gently speak to him. "I know things are hard for you and sometime maybe we, and I mean all of us in this house, don't stop and take the time to help you process things, and for that, I'm truely sorry," he told his little brother. 

"I just wish you would speak up a little more to one of us when you are having a rough day or don't understand something, or even when those voices start twisting things around," he said. "You know any one of use are more than able to help you through whatever it is you are going through," he told him "You are not alone in this, you never was. But we can't always know what you need unless you tell us," he added as he moved onto his thoughts about Lynda. 

"Joe, Lynda only wants the best for you, Jennie and Jamie," he said. "I know her methods are...well...very creative, I have to give her that," Andy said. "But let me ask you this. Have you ever noticed here lately Lynds wringing her hands as if she was washing them?" he asked Joe. "Because I have and I'm thinking, and I can't be 100% certain how true it is, but I am wondering if she doesn't have something wrong with her, like a sever case of OCD," he said and then went on. "But you have to admit, Hoss's condition has improved alot since she's been here to help him and I'm sure if you let her help you, you will get to where you wanna be," he added. 

Then Andy went quiet for a few minutes as he looked at the ground and then back at Joe. This time he had a smile on his face as he began speaking. "I'll tell you what Joe, why don't I cancel my trip for now," he said. "And then you and I can take a ride to find a good spot for my future home with Michaela and the kids," he said. "You will always have this family, wheather it's broken or not. And I know within my heart, that deep down, you know and believe that," he said smiling. "Now what do you say? And just to make the deal sweeter, I'll even take you to town and buy us lunch," he added. 

Lynda knew she had to come clean to Joe. She dreaded this day and now that it was finally, here, she was scarred. But she knew he had to know the truth. Lynda let out a sigh and then began to speak, this time her voice soft and low but she was also doing something really strange too. She began to wring he hands as if she was trying to wash something away. 

"Joe, I know all to well what it's like not to be able to control your life. Everyday I face something well, not as bad as you, but it's still pretty bad," she told him. Then she went on speaking. "I'm not asking you to be nobody but yourself. And what ever you are going through, I wanna be there to go through it with you," she said as she continued to wring her hands. "But anyway, what I said about teaching you values and the responsibilty of money is true, but there is something else I haven't told you," she said.

"You see, back when I was a young girl, a little older than you, I was diagnoised with sever OCD. It was so bad that for a while, I litterly lived in my own isolation room," she told him now pulling on her fingers. "I couldn't do anything fun or have friends over or anythg. I was lucky to get books to read," she told him she said as she felt the tears stinging her eyes. "So, no I don't know what it's like to locked up with voices, but I do know what it's like to be locked up and never free to experience life as a normal person," she told him. 

"I spent years by myself and in that isolation room until I finally decided that I wasn't going to let my disease take over my life," she told him. "It took years of therapy and trying different medications and even a couple of sessions of electro shock, but I did it," she said with a smile on her face. Then the smile faded and she lowed her head. "But you, Jennie and Jamie have kept your rooms so violetly dirty that I'm having a real hard time trying to control my OCD," she admitted.

"And before you ask, yes I'm still on my meds, and I usually take it them at work, that way I'm good to go when I get home," she said as she let out a sigh and she didn't say anything for a while as she looked at the floor and then back up at Joe. "That's why I'm doing what I'm doing, not because I'm mean or I like watching you suffer, but because I can't help anyone else as long as I'm feeling like this," she said as she went back to wringing her hands. "And I really want to help you and Jennie and Jamie, along with the rest, including Hoss," she added. 

Then Lynda finally let go of her hands and walked over to Joe. "I don't know why nobody has gotten you help but if you will let me, I would like to get you that help," she said as she gently touched his face. "Joe, you are worth so much more than what those voices inside your head are telling you," she said with a smile. "But maybe I did this too fast," she told him. "So, let's sit down and see what we can come up with that will help you and help me at the same time," she said with a touching smile and hoping that Joe would come around.