angel's Guestbook

Lynda sat there for a few minutes as she was gathering her thoughts. She knew Angel this anger wasn't directed toward her, which she wouldn't blame him for any if he did. But then again, Angel was always like his dad, even if Angel wouldn't admit it. He was very quiet and easy to get along with, just like Bobby, when Angel got mad, which usually only happened if something happened to her, since, like Bobby, he was very protective of her. Lynda sat there for a little while as she began to do some deep breathing as she held Angel's hand while she composed herself the best way she knew how and now that she felt like she was in more control, Lynda went on speaking, starting with the questions she knew she could answer, although she knew that Angel wouldn't like the answer. "Honey, your grandfather would kill someone, laugh about it and then dismember the body while he made me clean it up, while he would sit back and eat some of the body parts, " she told him as she began to shake a little bit but Lynda went back to her deep breathing before she continued. "As for your Aunt Vic and Uncle Mark, most of the time I always tried to keep them away from the house as much as possible, but there were a few instances where your grandfather, took both Mark and Victoria, and they were young at the time, so they wouldn't remember this," Lynda said and then went on with her story. "He had Mark, who was about 3 at the time and him tide onto a homemade cross while, Vic, who was barely a year old, was laying on this pentagram as if he was going to sacrifice her," Lynda said softly and then paused again.

After a few minutes, Lynda went on speaking. "After that, I made sure your Aunt and Uncle stayed away," she told Angel. "But I do have to say, someone just happened to see through the basement window what was going on, and your grandfather got arrested for a about a day. They went to search the basement, and it didn't look like what the witness had said. In fact, there wasn't a trace of any devil worshiping nowhere. That was the only time help ever came to the house," she told him and then moved on to what he said about him not wanting to drown her in her past. "Honey, I have lived with all of this for a very long time," she told him. "And yes, I may shake and cry, and even get sick, which I will admit, could also be a sigh that I'm pregnant, but I need to tell you this so you will understand your mother a lot better," she said as she said as she gently held onto Angel's hand and then gave it a little squeeze. Lynda began to breathe a couple of times and then went on speaking again. "It's okay, if I have to relieve it for you and your brothers to understand the past and what kind of family you boys come from," she told him as she reached up and touched his face softly. "Angel, sweetheart, I did have someone who was looking out for me," she said. "But that's getting a bit ahead of the story," she said with a smile. "But I will tell you that your grandfather did a lot of damage both mentally and psychologically to me," she added and then took a breath. "I will tell you everything, but right now, I need a few minutes to collect myself," she told him.

Lynda sat there with her eyes closed and her head down for a little while. She didn't answer Angel right away, even though she could hear him and hear the worry and fear in his voice. Finally, after a little while, Lynda sat up, even though her body was still shaking all over, she managed to open her eyes and look at her son. Slowly and steadily, she began to speak to him. "Shh....it's okay sweetie," she said. "Mommy is going to be okay," she said as she took the napkin and began to wipe the sweat off her forehead shakenly. It wasn't long before she had the napkin completely doused in her sweat as she started speaking once again to her son. "I'll be fine in a minute," she told him softly. "I'm just having what I like to call a memory overload at the moment," she added as she closed her eyes to help try to get herself back under control again. Lynda didn't say anything more for a while as she once again closed her eyes and started to do some deep breathing exercises. When she felt ready, Lynda once more opened her eyes so that she could see his beautiful face. But what she saw on his face and in his eyes, wasn't her son. It was everything she knew would eventually see. She saw fear mixed with worry and even though he told her he wasn't mad, she could see anger and confusion mixed in there as well, which she couldn't blame him for feeling that way, but she knew there was more and it was going to cause those things in his eyes to intensify, which she didn't know if she was really ready to handle that or not. It was at that point that Angel said he would go get her the washcloth, which he had gone a few minutes. Once Angel came back and placed the washcloth on Lynda's forehead, she began to calm down, though she was still shaking pretty bad. She was able to at least speak again to her son.

"Don't worry son, with everything I have to tell you," Lynda said as she held the washcloth on her forehead as she sat back in her chair so that she could tilt her head back and place the wet, cool washcloth over her eyes. It was as if she was trying to wash her eyes clean, even though she knew that was almost impossible, but still she had to try. While she was "shielding" her eyes from the past, she continued to speak to her son, even though she wasn't looking at him at the moment. "Thanks son, I plan on doing just that," she said as she went on speaking. "What I have told you so far, really isn't the worst of everything," she told him. Lynda then took the washcloth off her eyes and sat back up so that she could look Angel in the eyes. She now was using a tone that was honest and mixed with love as she spoke to him. "Honey, I know you have my back, but it's okay to be upset because I never told you about the way I grew up and how long I've been holding onto it," she told him as she paused for a few minutes before continuing. "And like I said earlier, I had your Uncle Mark and Aunt Victoria to think about too, because your grandfather would have hurt them even worse than what he was doing to me, though having your Aunt and Uncle hurt or even killed, would have been the worse thing he could do to me, until all you kids came along" she added and then took a deep breathe and let it out as she paused to take a few breaths as she looked away from her son for a little bit. Neither one said anything for a little while as they both tried to figure out what else to say before moving onto more of Lynda's story. Finally, after Lynda sat there, now dabbing her forehead to keep her cool, though she could feel the washcloth starting to become dry, which didn't bother her now that she more or less calmed down with her body now down to a tremble every once in a while, instead of shaking. "I know you don't understand everything that I went through growing up, not many do," she said as she finally took the washcloth off her eyes so that she could see her son's face, though she made sure to look into his eyes as she finished up her thoughts. "But please don't hide your emotions from me," she told him and then moved on. "Now, feel free to ask me about anything I have told you so far," she said as she managed a smile.

Lynda knew that she had upset her son, which made her feel really bad but there was nothing she could do about it now. In fact, she was actually still figuring everything out herself but she didn't want to let onto that fact. Deep down, she knew it was safer to just have her family hate her and be mad at her than admit that she couldn't remember much until now. Lynda lowered her head without saying anything for some time. Finally, after letting out a heavy sigh, she managed to look up into Angel's eyes and began to speak to him again. "Yes, though you do have an older brother that I had while I was in medical school," she said. "I haven't seen him since he was born, but I do get pictures from time to time. Tommy lives with his father," she added and then paused for a few minutes and then went on. "And of course, the three little Cartwrights that are growing inside of me right now," she told Angel a as she went on answering Angel's questions. "Lilith, she isn't a thing, she's your sister," Lynda corrected him. "And yes I have been feeling her a lot lately, though I don't know where she is at the moment. As far as her going after Sammy," she said as she went quiet for a few minutes. "I'm not sure if that's what she's really doing or if there is something bigger going on, though I do know that Sammy and I were in hell when she was born," Lynda said as she went quiet for longer than before. She looked as though she was deep in thought about something. Finally, Lynda looked up at Angel and began to speak again. "I did and the reason I didn't tell anyone about it is because I didn't want him coming after my family," she told Angel honestly. "And trust me, he would have too," she added. "Besides, I had your Uncle Mark and Aunt Victoria to think about too," she added.

Lynda knew this was the hardest thing she could tell her children, but she knew had to tell them whether she wanted to or not. "At first they were just harmless experiments, you know the ones, like the ones that high schoolers usually do, only he used blood and body parts that he managed to have in stock," she said with a heavy sigh as she looked away once more before finally looking back up at her son. This time though, there was something that hadn't been there before or ever in the years that Angel grew up with her. In Lynda's eyes showed a fear that would give even the fearless demon goosebumps. "But then one day," she said as she felt her bandaged hands start to shake as she continued. "Then one day, I went into the lab just like I did everyday to work, and I found a live newborn baby girl laying on the lab table and she was strapped down," Lynda told Angel and then pause as she started to shake all over at the thought of what her father made her watch but eventually she went on. "I started to leave to find someone to help her when my grandmother Rowena came up behind me and grabbed me and forced me to watch my father as he killed the newborn baby girl," Lynda told Angel as she closed her eyes trying not to relive the memories but was failing big time. In fact, Lynda's body began to shake as if she was having a seizure, but she wasn't it. She tried to stop it but she couldn't, at least not fully. "Angel, honey, run upstairs and get mommy a cool washcloth while I take a break," she told him as she closed her eyes and put her head down on the table to try to not only stop the shaking and to keep from getting up and going to the sink to start washing her already burnt hands again. She knew she had hot tea to drink, which was now cold, but at the moment she wasn't steady enough to drink it just yet.

Lynda took a few sips of her hot tea. It felt good going down and she knew it would calm the baby. Then she placed her tea down on the table. She knew that she had a lot to say, she just hoped that her boys understood everything. She sat there for a little while playing with her cup before she finally began to speak again. "Angel, you aren't my first born, just like Jamie isn't going to be the baby anymore," she added as she cleared her throat and went on speaking. "You boys have a brother and two sisters that you don't know," she told him. "Your oldest brother is in hiding right now and I don't know where you older sister is," she said as she went silent. She was wrestling with the idea of telling Angel about Lilith, which she finally came to the realization that he needed to know. "And Lilith, she's your demonic sister that came after Sammy, I have no idea where she's at. But I can feel her presence, and I have a feeling she's closer than I like," she told him. Then she took another sip, though this time it was a longer drink. She then put her cup down and with shaking hands, she began her story.

]"Like I said, you grandfather was strange and when I mean he was strange, he was always doing something that wasn't normal, always performing unnecessary surgeries on not only the living but also the dead," she told him. "And to keep your aunt and uncle safe from him, I usually volunteered to help him. "My thinking was that if something went wrong, at least they would be safe. Your grandmama knew what was going on but turn a blind eye because your grandfather always made sure she had all the money she needed for her shopping addiction," Lynda added as she took a pause to get herself under control. Her hands were shaky but she was bound and determined to stay in control. Finally, Lynda swallowed hard and went on. "There was so much blood most days that it was hard to get all of it. I would just get close to being done and he goes and does it again, chopping and surgery and the blood would flow all over once again. "Then one day, he drugged me to his lab, and I saw something that changed my life forever. He had drawn a pentagram on the floor and had candles around it. I didn't know what he was doing at the time, but later on down the road, I would find out," she told him. Lynda looked down and then back up at Angel. "Questions so far?" she asked him as she was letting him process everything she told him so far.

Bobby could hear the anger in Angel's voice and he knew he should. It was his fault for their strained relationship, and he wanted to fix that. Not only because they were family and family sticks together, but mostly for Lynda. She believes in second chances and making amends and even though it's hard to do. So, Bobby swallowed his pride and began to speak to his son. "I see that you still are very upset with me," Bobby said. "But would you mind giving your old man a few minutes of your time so that we can talk?" he asked Angel. "I'm just now rolling into Virginia City, so would you like to meet me for lunch?" he asked him.