clay's Guestbook

"I know but I'm not supposed to crack," she told Clay honestly. "In fact, I'm usually ahead of the game with points to spare," she told him, hoping he understood what she meant. "But instead, I end up not only fumbling the ball, but getting sacked hard," she said as she realized she had football on the brain thanks to the book she was reading. She couldn't help but laugh as she looked over at Clay. "Sorry about the football analogies," she said. "The book I'm reading is about the life of a football player and now I have it on the brain," she said chuckling and then moved on quickly. Then Lynda let out a sigh as she went on, this time without using football in her talk. "I am supposed to be the glue that holds this family together, just like I am with my other families, but somewhere along the way, I screwed something up," she told him as she let out a breath. She didn't say anything more for a little while as she gathered her thoughts.

Then, after Lynda had her thoughts together, or at least as together as best she could get them, she began to speak again; this time the subject was Joe and Jennie. "I know and it wasn't like I was telling them they couldn't come into the house for food, showers and other things like that," she told Clay. "I just wanted them to see that everything they have costs money and that they need to appreciate everything that is given to them," she said as she let out a sigh and then went on. "Though I probably could have done something a little different than just evict them from their rooms," she added. "I probably better talk to Jennie and Joe later when things have settled down a bit. Maybe there is a compromise that we can come up with," she said. "Here I am talking about teaching Joe and Jennie lessons in life, and I completely forgot that my youngest son, Jamie is in the same boat," she said laughing. "See, I'm so deep in stress that I am starting to forget things," she said as another silence fell over them.

She listened to what Clay said about being scared and how he goes into Mr. Fix-it when he starts to lose control of everything. And she couldn't help but smile as she let her mind wonder to memories starting with when Adam and Andy almost broke their necks trying to fix the barn roof. The moment they both fell through, Ben immediately went into Mr. Fix-it mode and started fixing things all around the house until Adam and Andy came home, one had a broke leg and a couple of bruised ribs and the other had a broken arm and collar bone, with a couple of bruised ribs. Lynda couldn't help but laugh out loud until she saw Clay looking at her and she went into explanation mode. "I was just thinking about the time Andrew and Adam tried to fix the hole in the roof in which they both ended up falling through," she told Clay. "The entire time I had them at the hospital, Ben went around the house fixing everything that was either broken or near broken," she added chuckling. "By the time I brought the boys home, the entire house was working better than the best robot," she added laughing.

The Lynda switched over to her doctor's tone, with still a touch of a motherly tone mixed in. She knew Marie had a problem with being jealous, but Lynda also thought maybe there could be more to it then just actual being jealous. "That is so true," she finally told Clay. "And every now and then I find myself getting a bit jealous, but I also know that Ben loves me just as much as he loves the mothers of his children," she said smiling as she let her hand slip to her belly, hoping Clay doesn't notice. "So, I don't have that much to be jealous about because I know someday soon Ben and I will have our own child or children together," she said with a smile as she then went serious, which is where the doctor's tone came in. "But as for your mother, I think that her jealousy is a symptom of something else, something much bigger," she said in her matter-of-factly.

"And the reason I'm thinking this is because I noticed Jennie showing signs of the same thing," she told Clay. Lynda didn't say much more at first. She didn't want to make him worry about what may or may not be true, but she knew one thing that she could tell him that wouldn't get him all worked, and it would answer one of the questions he had asked her. "Part of it is stress," she told him as she cleared her throat before going on with her thoughts. "But I'm afraid there might be something else going on, but I won't know until I can run some tests on her," she added. "But I don't know if I can get her to come see me or not," she added. "Do you think you can get her to make an appointment to come see me?" she asked Clay. "She might do it if you or Joe or Jennie could talk her into it," she said with a smile, though she did know, as a doctor, that she was putting some pressure on Clay.

Lynda smiled her warm smile and for the first time in a while, she started to feel like her old self. She didn't say anything for a few moments as she listened to the rest of Clay's thoughts before answering. One Lynda saw that he was done talking, she, with her warm and gentle tone, began to reply to the rest of Clay's thoughts. "I promise you now, that I will never let myself get this bad again. I don't want my family, including you, to feel like I'm pushing you all away again," she added. "I have seen the way it all made you feel, and I don't like that," she added as she went on making Clay promises, which she knew she was going to keep, come hell or high water. "I also promise that if I ever start to feel like I'm losing my mind and the dam is going to break," she told him. "I will find someone to talk to help bring me back to reality," she said with a smile as she now moved onto what's new with Clay.

"Now, enough about me," Lynda said as she got up and picked up her coffee cup and then his. "I'll go warm these up and get some fresh coffee," she told him. "And maybe get us a little something to nibble on before dinner," she added. "Then we can talk about you for a while," she said with a chuckle as she headed to the kitchen. Then about halfway to the kitchen, Lynda stopped and thought about Clay's last thought. Then she turned around and looked at him with a warm and tender smile. "You know I won't let anyone tell me that I have to carry the world on my shoulders by myself," she told him and then soon disappeared into the kitchen to get them a fresh cup of coffee and a little snack to nibble on before she started dinner.

Lynda smiled as she looked deep into Clay's eyes softly and gently. "I know that now Clay," she said with as she leaned over and gently patted his hand softly. "But it's had to keep that thought in mind when you have a bunch of things on your mind, mixed with a lot of people depending on you, and being told that you aren't welcome here," she told him. "I finally just broke like a dam," she added. "That's why these happen, well, that and not having my medications for several weeks," she added. Then as he listened to everything that Clay said, she couldn't help but smile. She was finally glad someone was on her side.

"I thought so too, but the more that I think about it, the more I start to realize that I probably could have handled them a little bit better, especially since they have so many problems and your mama, forgive me for saying this, isn't really paying much attention to them," she told Clay, hoping that he wouldn't take offense to what she had just said. Lynda sighed and then went on talking about a Cartwright learning the value of a dollar.

"True ,but they will have to learn some time," she told Clay. "I mean, Ben has 4 wives to support and if he gets us all pregnant, there's more mouths the feed," she added. "Which means there won't be as much money or land to go around in the future," she told Clay. "That's why I wanted Joe and Jennie to learn the value of a dollar. So they would always have security in the future. Because you never know what could happen," she added as if she was talking like her old self.

As Clay went on talking about Jame and Ben, Lynda smiled and gladly listened. Though her coffee was getting cold by now, she still drank it anyway. Once he was done it was her turn to speak and reply to everything that Clay had told her. "Aww, Jamie's a good kid. This is really the first time he's done something to stir up my OCD," she told him. "Of course, I really haven't sat him down yet and explain to him that his mother is sick and when she gets very stressed, she goes nuts," she added with a chuckle. "And as for Ben, I know he's scared. He's scared for so many reasons, and I really don't blame him for anything," she said.

"It just hurts and sometimes I feel like he overlooks my needs for everyone else's," she told him not trying to lay her problems on him, but it was just all coming out. Lynda let out a sigh as she continued. "But I do understand where he's coming from and I love him all the more for it," she added with a smile and a twinkle in her eyes. "I guess sometimes when you love someone so much, you can't help but have your little tiffs every now and then," she added as she moved onto the subject of Marie.

"I'm not saying she's a bad woman, and I know she's had a very hard life," she said. "But she doesn't have to feel jealous of me," she told Clay. "I understand about wanting more than she has. Believe it or not, I dream about having the world on a silver platter and if you tell anyone I told you I said that the next time you need a shot, I will make sure the needle is extra big," she said laughing and then got serious again. "And as far as the kids are concerned, I can't even get Joe and Jennie to look at me without them wanting to spit," she added kind of chuckling. "And as for Ben, she should know he loves her just as much as he does me, Inger and Elizabeth," she told Clay.

"And she also should know that each of us bring something different to the house," she added. "So, really, there's nothing much to be jealous of," she restated and then paused for a long while before speaking again. "Clay, has your mother every complained about having severe headaches? And has her moods been off the walls lately?" she asked him in her doctor tone before going back to her regular tone. "And thanks for the talk, Clay," she told him with a smile. "And I can tell you right now that I won't be doing anything like this anymore," she said as she held up her hands.

"And you can be sure that if I ever need to talk, I'll come to you," she added with a smile. "Just as long as you plan on staying around here for a great while," she added. "Oh, and I hope you plan on staying for dinner tonight," she told Clay. "I plan on making my special meatloaf, salad, bacon green beans and fried potatoes and I have a cherry pie for dessert," she added excitedly.

"Well," Lynda said as she let out a sigh. Then she sat her coffee on the table and began to spea to Clay as if he was a long time friend. "Where do I begin?" she asked and then just went for it. "Well, first off all, Jennie, Joe and I got into a huge fight about they way I wanted to displine them and teach them a value of  money," she said. "But we all talked and they agreed to let me help them and I agreed to give them back their rooms, though I still want to figure a way for them to learn the value of a dollar," she said and then went on. 

"Then I found out that my son, Jamie, took my  medication a few weeks ago, which caused my OCD to really kick my ass to the point I not only burnt my hands but I scrubbed them so hard that now I have to keep them wrapped until the skin grows back," she said as she showed Clay her hands. Lynda took a few deep breathes as she got up and went over to fireplace and stood there for a while before finally turning around and walking back over to her chair. She continued to speak, though this time she was standing up behind her chair rather than sitting down. 

"Then I told Ben about it and his mind is so twisted from listening to Marie that he actually told me that I was tearing this family apart," she added and then finally sat down. "But as much as that hurt, the fact that I reached out for help and he just brushed it off," she added as she realized what she said about Marie. "Oh Clay, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to speak bad of your mom," she said as she lowered her head. "But I think sometimes your mom wants more than what she has, not saying she's greedy exactly, but maybe a little bit jealous for some reason," she told Clay and then went silent for the longest time, knowing that she just laid alot on Clay without realizing or meaning too. 

Lynda smiled. "Well, I try," she said with a smile as she closed the door behind her. She knew he was going to mention her leaving and as much as she wanted to avoid it, she knew she couldn't. So, Lynda let out a sigh and began to speak to Clay openly and honestly. "Yea, I'm really leaving," she told him. "I'm just hoping it's only temperary though," she added. "I still love Ben with all my heart and soul, but this is something that has to be done," she told him. 

Lynda chuckled as she went on to speak. "Go ahead and make yourself at home and I will get you that coffee. Cream or sugar?" she asked him as she started towards the kitchen. Lynda didn't wait for Clay to answer as she disappeared into the kitched  and poured two cups of coffee. Then, along with the cream and sugar, put them on a serving tray and soon came back out and sat the tray on the coffee table.

"I know I asked you if you took cream and sugar, but I brought them anyway," she told him as she handed him his coffee and then put some sugar and cream in hers before sitting down in the chair. Lynda took a drink of her coffee and then began to speak to him. "Thanks for the offer, but my boys and Bobby will come and move this stuff for me," she told him. "But I don't mind sitting here and talking to you for a while," she added with a smile. 

"Of course it is," she said with a smile as she moved in so that Clay could come in and make himself at home. "Come in and make yourself at home," she told him and then went on speaking. "What would you like to drink?" she asked him as she was trying to avoid telling him that she was actually in the middle of packing her things, even though she had taken time out to do a little reading. 

But she knew she couldn't avoid that conversation forever, so she just dove right in as she waited for him to tell her what she wanted. She cleared her throat and closed the door behind Clay as she began to speak. "I intened on staying forever, but  I don't think I will be here for very much longer," she told Clay honestly. "There's been some things happen and I have to leave here for a while," she told him.

"But until I do, you and I can do a little catching up," she said as she changed the subject to a happy one. She couldn't help but blush at Clay's compliments. "Well, I don't know about that, but you look worn out, though you make it look sexy," she said chuckling, though she didn't mean to make it sound like she was flirting with him.