josh's Guestbook

Andrew listened to everything Josh had to say and as Josh continued speaking, Andrew formed his own thoughts so that he could come up with something to tell Josh to help him deal with what he was feeling at the moment. Finally, just as Andrew and Josh reached the staircase, they stopped at the top and looked at each other for a few minutes. Andrew cleared his throat as he began to speak to his son with a warm tone and a gentle smile on his face. "I know exactly what you are talking about. Anger can be one of those emotions where it's okay to be angry, but there are add-ons that come with feeling it," he told his son. Andrew wasn't sure if he was saying what he was thinking right or if Josh would even understand, but Andrew did know one thing and that was that he was going to give it his best to try to explain to Josh about emotions, even though Andrew didn't really quiet understand them himself. "The only way you are going to get rid of all those extra feelings you are carrying while you are carrying that anger is to forgive the person or persons who have wronged you," he told Josh as he placed his hand on Josh's shoulder. "But that doesn't mean you forget what they done. It just means you would rather live your life without anger and grudges in your heart," Andrew told Josh and Josh smiled up at his father as he listened to him. Then a peaceful silence fell over them as they made their way down the steps and into the living room, which was just one room before the kitchen.

After they went down the stairs and landed in the living room, both Josh and Andrew stood around for just a few minutes before heading to the kitchen. It was then that Josh started talking about how much he missed Michaela and some of his memories that he had of her and him together. Andrew couldn't help but smile as he listened to Josh and although he hadn't brought himself to tell Josh the truth yet about him and Michaela calling it quits for good, though he did know that she was planning on coming back, just not to be with him. Andrew cleared his throat and finally began to speak to his son as they started to walk to the kitchen. "I know you miss her and like I said, it's okay to be mad at her for leaving," he reminded Josh. "But if you do what I told you about forgiving but not forgetting," he added as he moved onto guys night before the ice cream talk. "Good, and don't forget, we will be staying about a week in town," Andrew told Josh as they walked into the kitchen, knowing that nobody was home, except for those two. "By the way," Andrew said as he watched Josh take a seat at the table. "How is school going?" he asked his son as he went over to the freezer to see what flavors of ice cream were in there. Andrew stuck his head into the freezer and saw a couple of different flavors. "Well, there's two kinds we can sneak from. One is your uncle Adam's Mint Chocolate Chip," Andrew said as he pulled his head out of the freezer and looked over at Josh. "And the other is your aunt Jennie's Rocky Road," he told Josh. "So, little buddy," he said with a smirk. "So, the question now becomes is how daring are you willing to be?" Andrew asked with a playful smile on his face. "So, Joshie," Andrew said. "What's it going to be?" he asked still playfully smiling.

"Well, there were other factors that helped Michaela decide to leave," he said. "So, even if you did know that she was hurting badly, the fact that the memories and pain of it all still would have been too much to try to process alone," he said softly as he looked away for a little while and then back down at his son. He knew that Josh was close to Michaela and that when she left him feeling sort of lonely for a mother. It wasn't until Andrew heard Josh sniffling that it hit him just how much he missed her. "You know, it's okay to be sad and to cry because you miss someone," he added and then he smiled as he went on with his thoughts. "And she misses you too. She told me that there isn't a day that has gone by that she doesn't regret the way she left or saying goodbye to you guys," he said. "And she knows that you three are mad at her right now, which not only is it okay to be, but she completely understands," he said. "She just hopes that one day you, your brother and sister will forgive her," he said and then went silent.

As they sat in silence for a little while, Andrew couldn't contain the smile on his face. This was one of the best parts about being a parent. He was getting to know his children all over again and he was enjoying it. He just hoped that his kids were enjoying this time too, which he knew from their reactions that they were enjoying time with him. Finally, it was Andrew that broke the silence and began to speak about being angry at Joe and Jennie. "Son," Andrew said. "That is the most mature and grown-up thing you ever could say," he said. "But remember, that what you said doesn't just apply to what Joe and Jennie did, but it can apply to anything or anyone that you are angry with," he said. "Anger is one of the most powerful and dangerous emotions a person could have," he told Josh as he moved back to the subject of Michael again. "I will tell her, but I can already tell you now, she knows. And she knows that you guys are waiting for the day when she will return," Andrew said with a smile on his face.

Then with a chuckle, Andrew finished up his thoughts as he got up. He gave his son a great big hug as he was talking to him. "Don't worry about anyone catching us eating some ice cream," he said with a smile. "There isn't really anyone here at the moment, well, except for your sister and brother, and they are both busy doing other stuff," he said with a smirk as he and Josh broke their embrace. "But if it will make you feel better, I will be the lookout," he said with a smirk as they turned to walk out of Andrew's room and headed for the staircase. "And once we are done sneaking some ice cream," Andrew told Josh with a smile on his face as they were walking down the stairs. "I want you to finish packing, if you haven't already," he said as they finally reached the bottom of the stairs. "And don't forget your schoolbooks. Just because we are having a guy's night out, doesn't mean you get to neglect your homework," he added as they headed for the kitchen.

Andrew listened to everything that Josh had to say. He could hear the sadness of losing Michaela and the reason why she left to begin with. Once Josh was done talking, Andrew let the silence take over for a little bit. His heart ached, not only for his children, but for Michaela as well. He just wanted his family, including Michaela, back together again, which was something that he tended to fix with time and compassion. Finally, Andrew broke the silence and began to speak to Josh again. "She was sad," Andy said as he placed his arm around Josh, pulling him closely. "But she didn't want you kids to see her sadness, so she tried to play it off," Andrew added. "But I have a feeling that she knew you kids could see her sadness, no matter what she did or try to do," he said looking down at Josh. Then he gave his son a soft and warm smile. "And you know something? She still feels that way about you kids now," he told him. "And the last time I talked her, she told me that there isn't a day that goes by that she doesn't miss you kids," he added.

Andrew then changed the subject to Joe and Jennie and how his son should feel. "Good, because that's the last thing I want you to do," he said. "And you are right, what they did and how they made Michaela feel wasn't right," he told his son. "But in all fairness, you're uncle Joe and aunt Jennie, were just kids when all of this went down," he told Josh. "And yes, I know that's no excuse, but you also have to understand that they also were raised a little differently than you and your siblings," he told Josh. Andrew could see the look of confusion come over his face. "Let me explain," Andrew went on with his thought. "Your Uncle Joe and Aunt Jennie, well, they are a little spoiled, which to them meant they can do what they want to whomever they want without consequences," he said. "But remember what I always tell you kids about there is always consequences in everything you do, even if they don't happen right away?" Andrew asked. "Well, this is something that they will have carry around with them for the rest of their lives," he said. Andrew wasn't mad or angry as he explained everything. In fact, he was pleasantly calm. "Which makes forgiving them even more important. The love we share with them will help them in the long run," he added and then gave Josh another one of his warm and gently smiles.

Then Andrew went back and replied to what Josh says about Michaela being his mother. The smile that was already on Andrew's face got even wider as he began to speak again. "She knows how much we really care and love her," he said with a warm tone. "In fact, she wanted me to tell you kids that she loves you deeply and that she's always thinking about you guys," he told Josh, hoping that would make him feel a little better as he went on speaking. "And she'll be back when she's ready, right now, she just needs a little help to deal with sorting out her emotions and feelings," he said. "But she is getting better every time I talk to her," he added. Then Andrew changed the subject. "Now, why don't you finish getting yourself ready for our guy's night out," Andrew told Josh as he was trying to change the subject. "And once you are all done and ready to go, we can sneak downstairs and have a bowl of ice cream before we leave," he told Josh. "What do you say?" he asked Josh with excitement in his voice.

Andrew sat there lost in his thoughts as Josh was speaking. He knew that he should tell the kids the truth about Michaela, but he didn't know if they would understand. Nor did he want them to hate Joe or Jennie for the parts that they played in Michaela leaving. Finally, Andrew looked at his son and began to speak to him. "She loved being here and riding horses with you kids," he said. "And she made life easier for all of us," he said and then got quiet for a few minutes and then went on. "And she was always willing to help the family whenever she could," he told Josh as he got around to answering Josh. "You wasn't imagining things because she really was feeling sad and wanted to run as far away as she could," he said.

"You see, Uncle Joe and Aunt Jennie weren't crazy about her, and they made her feel really bad about wanting to marry me," he said. "And so, Joe and Jennie did something that caused her to," he said and paused before continuing. "Well, she had a miscarriage and that's the reason why she left and is afraid to come back," Andrew told Josh very seriously. "What I want to know is," Andrew started as he looked way from Josh and then back at him still looking very serious. "Do you really want her to come back and be your mother?" he asked him. "And I want you to be very honest with me," he added.

"I'll call him and see if he's up to it," Andrew said. "It's all gonna depend on how he feels health wise. Besides, Uncle Hoss has a lot of things on his mind lately, but again, I'll call," he said laughing. Then he got really serious then as he moved on from Hoss to Michaela.  

"So, you remember when Michaela was here?" he asked him. "And she made everything good as if she was already part of the family?" he asked his son again before getting to the important question of what he really wanted to ask his son.